Satire

Religious Ceremony Disturbed By Extremist!

As Reported in the Bible
  1. 1 Kings 13:1-6  And, behold, there came a man of God out of Judah by the word of the LORD unto Bethel: and Jeroboam stood by the altar to burn incense.
  2. And he cried against the altar in the word of the LORD, and said, O altar, altar, thus saith the LORD; Behold, a child shall be born unto the house of David, Josiah by name; and upon thee shall he offer the priests of the high places that burn incense upon thee, and men's bones shall be burnt upon thee.
  3. And he gave a sign the same day, saying, This [is] the sign which the LORD hath spoken; Behold, the altar shall be rent, and the ashes that [are] upon it shall be poured out.
  1. And it came to pass, when king Jeroboam heard the saying of the man of God, which had cried against the altar in Bethel, that he put forth his hand from the altar, saying, Lay hold on him. And his hand, which he put forth against him, dried up, so that he could not pull it in again to him.
  2. The altar also was rent, and the ashes poured out from the altar, according to the sign which the man of God had given by the word of the LORD.
  3. And the king answered and said unto the man of God, Intreat now the face of the LORD thy God, and pray for me, that my hand may be restored me again. And the man of God besought the LORD, and the king's hand was restored him again, and became as [it was] before.

 

As Reported in the Newspaper
Bethel, Palestine - Noble Peace Prize winner Bishop Desy Dodo, the Rev. Jerry Ailswell, and Dr. Norman Invincible Smeal decried the desecration of a state religious ceremony by a rabid extremist hate monger and former Kristian Kommittee Kourse student.  Dr. Robert Surething of the prestigious Glass Wall Temple dismissed this vile act as the frustrations of a former high school drop out and bankrupt business man who failed to apply the Possibility Concepts to his life and business. King Rehoboam's arm was slightly injured in the incident.  The King was taken to the O. T. University hospital for prayer and a check up. The learned doctors assure us that there is no basis to believe that anything miraculous happened to restore the kings arm. He just bumped his 'funny bone' doctors said.

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